After reading Michelle's post last Saturday, I was moved to write about some things that have been on my heart lately. This might be all over the place, because that's how I am most days... all over the place.
I'm guilty, just as everyone else is, of assuming that what you read on a blog is all "real". Not to say that anyone is lying, just that their lives seem perfect. Their homes are clean and their children are well dressed and smiling, and they seem to have it so easy. Some of my favorite blogs actually, are the ones show us their lives aren't perfect. Despite the pretty pictures in this little space, real life happens in every room of our home. Most days I'm a mess - honestly... my house is covered in dog hair, and I feel like all I say lately is 'no', and 'don't make me count to three'. There is always a pile of laundry in my bedroom that needs to be put away, and some weeks it will sit there for 7 straight days before I get to it. Some days we don't get out of our jammies until after nap time, and that's ok by me. I can never leave the house with white pants on, because it is Murphy's Law that A will get something on them before I've even hit the first porch step... and anytime the temperature is above 60, I find an excuse to not blow-dry my hair and instead rock the mommy bun. What I'm trying to say is... please don't ever think of me that way - I don't have it all together, and probably never will.
Something that has been on my heart lately is the working-mommy debate. I grew up in a home where my mom worked (her tooshy off), and set a phenomenal example of how to have a work-life balance. Our relationship 100% defies the theory that working moms are not as close to their children as stay-at-home moms. What bothers me the most about being a working mom, is the assumption that somehow I'm not also a full-time mom. I'm well aware there are many hours of the day I'm not actually with my child, but, I am always his mom. Even when I'm at work, I'm a full-time mom, too. Racing home to get to the doctor or ordering diapers at lunch, or calling to hear his sweet voice tell me "yay!!!" because he just tee--teed on potty... I'm still mom. It's a difficult balance, but I'm doing the very best I can.
A few people I'm close with, mainly those who don't have children of their own, over simplify our arrangement and make it seem like it's all very simple: "Just tell your husband to figure it out - that you don't want to work anymore". What?!?! That is not how it works in our family. No one is left to figure it out on their own. We are a team, partners, both doing our very best to raise a little family in a big world. I'm proud that we make those decisions together, and that we are blessed beyond words to have family care for A while we are at work. My decision to go back was never easy, but it was right for our family.
I work to help support my family and to help pay the bills, to let us not worry about unexpected expenses and go on nice vacations and renovate our home and buy organic food. Me working does not mean I love A any less. I hope one day, he looks back on his childhood, and is proud of his working momma, for setting the same phenomenal example that my mother did, 30-some-odd years ago. When he asks me why I worked, I will tell him it was for him, for our family, and what what worked for us.
In this season of my life, I feel so overwhelmingly blessed. And content. And just so happy. We have an amazing little boy, who is happy and healthy and hysterical. Our marriage is strong - stronger than its ever been - and I still look forward to coming home to C every night. We have wonderful families, supportive friends, great jobs and a future that we're excited about. We are looking forward to welcoming another baby one day, but right now, we're so in love with A and our life with him, that I never feel like anything is missing. I love the new friendships I've made from blogging - there is a wonderful, encouraging group of other woman out there, that I never would have known before starting this online journal. I'm thankful for a job that supports working moms (and dads!), and lets us come and go without question for doctor's appointments, 103-degree fevers and preschool orientation. I adore our little home, and how it has come to represent all the things we love. I often dream about our next house, but for today, we are able to enjoy our hard work while we're relaxing at night with a glass of wine in hand.
Life is good. Even when life is hard, it is still good.
What a great post!!!! I always feel guilty when people ask me what I'm doing this summer and I say working (I'm a teacher and have the summers off.) and sending Cam to day care. They look at me like I'm a bad mom for not spending the summer with Cam (or I think they do)! I would much rather be at the beach, but we need the extra money, so I have to sacrifice some time with him. I am so guilty of judging other moms (in a good way) for being able to stay home, keep their home perfect and bake 298357 cakes for their neighbors. haha :)
ReplyDeleteJust ignore all those people who make you feel bad for your decisions and sacrifices. You are a loving mom and you work hard for your family. When people say hurtful things like that its usually because they don't understand what they're really saying. Regardless of whether you're working or at home with your child, if you love then, that's all they'll know! My mom stayed home with us and my husbands mom worked and I don't think either of us felt more or less loved, or more or less provided for-- it is what it is!
ReplyDeleteI'll stop yammering now!
I love this post. And I went back and read Michelle's post-- love hers too. I am also a full time working mama, and I always wonder how others manage everything and seemingly have it all together. I'm a recovering type A perfectionist (with frequent relapses), so it's hard for me to admit to myself when I can't handle everything and when I just need to be OK with the fact that I have eight loads of unfolded laundry sitting in the living room and toys strewn everywhere. It's tough! But spending time with my husband and son come first, and there is plenty of time in the future for a clean house and a full night of sleep. You are doing a good job, and you're a wonderful Mommy to A!
ReplyDeleteWhat great words! I love your honesty and am so thankful to hear from other moms. :) Good for you for recognizing your blessings and being content. That is something I know I am always working on! Your family is truly blessed to have you.
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