Praying for Boston

I was all ready to post about A's birthday party, but right now, it seems so inconsequential.

Another tragedy, today in Boston, and I'm moved to tears. I was so relieved to hear that my friends in Boston were all safe, especially those that ran, and their families that were waiting for them. I'm praying for all the victims and their families, and especially for the little children fighting for their lives tonight.

image from here

A is all about daddy these days. Only daddy can put him to bed, or snuggle after bath... and daddy gets all the hugs & kisses. I know its a phase, but it breaks my heart a little bit. Today A fell asleep on the couch (side effect of a little cold), and so I carried his sleepy body upstairs and snuggled with him as the tears fell on his face. I want to soak up all of him, bottle him up and keep him innocent. Keep him safe.

Sometimes I feel like my prayers aren't enough, so I offer up sacrifices... and they're always the same. Take me. Always take me before him. I know I'm not the only momma who prays these things, but on a night like tonight, I feel like it is all that I have.

You are in our hearts, Boston.

Lent

All in all, we are a pretty religious family. We try our hardest to attend church every Sunday, but with a toddler and a busy travel schedule, I'll be honest and say it doesn't always happen. I don't believe that showing up to church is a complete absolution, but instead that prayer and what you carry in your heart are true reflections of your faith.

Source: firstriteclothing.blogspot.com via Karley on Pinterest

Lent is an important time of the year for me. It is the time I challenge myself to give up something for 40 days - a true sacrifice - in order to prepare my heart for Easter. We abstain from meat on Fridays, and try our hardest to be at church for each Holy day. But sacrificing something during Lent is one thing I can do, once a year, to renew my faith.


Some things I've given up in the past were refined sugar, coffee, chocolate chip cookies & dairy. While I was able to abstain for the entire 40 days, some sacrifices were harder than others.

In thinking about what I wanted to sacrifice this year, I had a really hard time. I really, really wanted to challenge myself, but at the same time, didn't want to take something away that makes me truly happy (or keeps me sane; ie, coffee or wine).

Here were some of my ideas for this year:

• Facebook... I know I can do this, but would be sad to miss out on pictures of my friends' kids. I actually calculated how many of my friends could possibly share birthday pictures/gender reveals/pregnancy announcements in the next 40 days, just to see how sad I would be.

• Shopping... this wold have to be very specific, because shopping does have to occur for us to survive (grocery shopping, etc). I was thinking maybe shopping for myself? Have I mentioned I work for a women's retailer? I get a really good discount... that's 40 days of not using that discount.

• Buying lunch... this would be so hard for me. I'm awful at bringing my lunch. Mainly because I'm too rushed in the morning to remember, but also because I despise carrying anything else in my purse.

• Chocolate... I've had an afternoon chocolate craving everyday at 3:00 ever since A was born. Most days I am able to ignore it, but giving it up entirely would definitely be difficult.

• Raising my Voice... this happens more often then I care to admit. I would still to discipline A, but maybe this would teach me that I don't have to raise my voice for him to hear me. I wonder how many times I would forget, and raise my voice anyways.


I haven't made up my mind yet (I have until tomorrow). Is anyone else giving up something for Lent?

Day of Silence

We will never forget.

Heavy Hearts

There are no words. No words to explain exactly how devastated I am over the Sandy Hook Elementary School murders. Maybe because I am a mother now, or because I grew up in the town next to Newtown... maybe because I'm more aware of grief, having buried my brother well before his time... this tragedy has rocked me to my core.

I will not pretend to know what these parents are feeling, and I pray every day that I never do. But I know that the tears I cry are real, and that when I walked in the door on Friday after work, I sobbed harder than I had in four years. I hugged my baby boy with all that I had. And even at 20 months, my sweet little boy knew his momma was hurting. He came to me, and wrapped his arms tight around me, and let me hold him longer than he normally does. He wiped my tear the same way I wipe his, and patted my back. I've given him more hugs and kisses in the last 3 days than he knows what to do with, all because life seems more fragile now.

There are so many unanswered questions, and honestly, when they are all answered... it still will not change the outcome. 20 little babies. 6 adults before their time, too. Adults who died trying to protect the children inside that school. There is nothing that will bring them back, and all we are left with is their memory. I pray their deaths are not in vain, and that real changes are made, to prevent this from ever happening again.

I will be the first to say my faith has been tested, truly tested, in the last few years. This year, I read a book by Angie Smith, I Will Carry You. This quote has stayed with me for a long time, and seems appropriate in light of Friday's events. Angie talks a lot about how and why she remains so devout in her faith, despite her personal tragedies.

I want you to know, especially if you do not know the Lord, that He is real. This is not a fairy-tale, coping mechanism that I rely on when I need to escape from reality. It is not something I do because it’s nice to have a place to dress up for on Sunday mornings. It is my fervent prayer that somehow I can manage in this post to find a balance between not alienating people and sharing my heart. It’s just that I don’t know how people get through things like this without Him.

And so, I will continue to pray.

.....

On Tuesday, December 18th, there will be a blogger day of silence. We will post the button and that's it. Please try to not post anything else that day if possible.



It doesn't seem right to jump back into posting, when so many are hurting. Blogs were an 'out' for me in my time of grief - something to get lost in, and forget about real life for a while - so sometime soon I will manage to post again. But for now, writing about anything else seems forced, and I always want to keep it real here.

I hope if you also have a blog, you will share in the blogger day of silence.

Continue to pray for the lives lost, and their grieving families. Newtown needs our prayers.


 

I'm Back!

Hurricane Sandy proved to be a lot worse than we imagined. Thankfully, we had almost no damage to our home, and managed to stay safe & warm for the last 2 weeks.

We were without power for 10 days, and now that I've been able to watch the news, I'm astonished at the devastation in the tri-state area. For those 10 days, I thought we were struggling - struggling to stay warm, while running our generator only twice a day, struggling to find gasoline in spite of the shortage, struggling to entertain an 18-month old via candlelight, once the sun set at 5:00. Looking back, we were so lucky. So many lost their lives, their homes and their jobs. I pray that they all can begin to pick up the pieces, and have the support and resources they need to continue moving forward.

We were home this weekend, catching up on house chores, 2 weeks worth of laundry, and quality family time. While I was home with A for 10 days, C was out, trying to keep us sane. He was running to Pennsylvania at 4:00 every morning for gas, heading to the office, coming home to start the generator, going back to the office, and then rushing home again to dinner. So this weekend we enjoyed time together as a family of 4, and relished having life back to normal.

Thank you for checking in on us during our absence, and making sure we were OK. I'm amazed that my "friends" have stretched well beyond those I know in person. It warms my heart to know that you guys check in here everyday, and genuinely care about my little family.

Regular posting will resume tomorrow. In the meantime, I'll leave you with some pictures of my little guy (who also happened to enter his terrible-twos last week... but I'll save that for another post!). I'm so happy to be back!

XO

Pray

This little blogging community is so powerful. I'm always so amazed at how everyone comes together when someone is in need, banding together and asking for prayers.

I haven't stopped thinking about Julee, or her daughter Preslee, since reading Kelly's post yesterday. You can read the entire story on Kelly's post, if you'd like. There are way too many stories of lives taken too soon, but this one left a mark on my heart. Julee and Matt were a young couple, with an 11 month old baby girl, and their whole lives ahead of them. And now Julee is grieving for her husband and facing life as a single mom. My heart breaks for her, and pray that she finds peace and the strength to face every morning.

Please pray for the Turner family... and hug those you love a little tighter today.