What My Twins Taught Me About Motherhood

This last year has been one of the best, and one of the hardest, in my life. In many ways, I felt like a brand new mother this year. Having one baby was challenging. Life changing. So, so, incredibly hard. I felt like I made all the rookie mistakes with Anthony - mistakes I swore I'd never make with my second. 'I learned the hard way' I said. Baby #2 will fall sleep on their own. Will sleep through the night. Will not sleep in my bed. My convictions did not change when we found out Baby #2 was actually Baby #2 AND Baby #3. I was going to things differently this time.

In exactly one week, Luca & James will turn one. Looking back on the last year - the anticipation of their arrival, juggling two newborns and a toddler, learning to enjoy the dance of it all - I can say I've grown in ways I never imagined. With Anthony, I always felt like I was playing house. Like someone was going to walk in one day and take it all away. That I didn't really know what I was doing. Luca and James changed all of that.

1. I did not screw up my children.
Just a few years ago, I longingly gazed at the moms who had "easy" children. They were always happy, slept all night, never fussed, sat and played alone for hours... and I thought I somehow made Anthony high-maintenance. Was it my daily cup of coffee when I was pregnant? The formula I supplemented with? The twins - arguably exposed to identical environments from conception, and only separated in age by 11 minutes - have polar opposite personalities. One can fall asleep on his own the second you lay him down. The other, needs to be cuddled. One is loud and rambunctious and never stops moving. The other? More reserved, quiet, shy and is happy to sit on your lap and just 'be'. My children are who they are, not because of something I did - or did not do. They become who they are because of something and someone far greater than me, and embracing their differences is all part of becoming a parent.

2. Be the Mom
I tend to avoid confrontation at all costs. I'm the peacemaker, and never want anyone to think I'm the bad guy. With Anthony, I wasn't always the Mom I should have been. I found it hard to speak up for what I thought was right, or what I felt needed to be done. I always held a professionals opinion above my own - if the doctor said 'let's wait and see', more often than not, that's what I did. And most times, that was fine. But there were plenty of times when it wasn't. Where 4 trips to the doctor were necessary because I didn't say what I felt the first time - that Anthony was getting sicker when he should be getting better. Thank God it was never anything serious, but plenty of times I regretted not saying what I thought, because I didn't want the doctors or nurses to not like me. When Luca & James were born, that all changed. I realized that it's my responsibly to be their advocate at all times, not just when they've been sick for two weeks. They deserve a mom who doesn't shy away from the doctor just because she doesn't want to seem confrontational. I need to BE the mom. I now ask 100 questions to the nurse without caring if she thinks I'm annoying. I don't apologize more than once for taking up too much space with my double stroller or because someone is impatiently waiting for me to be done buckling them in their car seats so they can get in their car. I say 'no' when someone has the sniffles and wants to hold them. I finally feel confident in my right to be those things - to say those things - to be the mom they need me to be.

3. You do whatever it takes.
I could probably write an entire post on this, but countless people asked me if we were going to have help once the twins came home. As in, a night nurse. A friend with twins actually told me that not hiring someone was going to be a huge mistake. And to be clear, we did have a lot of help during the day. Monday through Friday, when Craig was at work, we had at least one grandparent here to help. Sometimes two. To help bring A to preschool, to help with the laundry, to be an extra set of hands when I had to shower or needed someone to console the twin that had to wait to eat. At night? Every night - it was just us. Every two hours, for 8 weeks, we'd get up and start our 45 minute process. I'd take one twin to nurse, Craig would take the other for a diaper change. Then we'd switch. And then we'd swaddle, soothe, and get them back to sleep. We'd sleep for an hour, and do it all again.  For 8 weeks. And we were exhausted. Actually, exhausted does not describe the depth of our tiredness. But never once did I think going into this, that someone else should be doing that for me. That I'd pay someone to do the dirty work, so I could wake up refreshed and energized. Because you know what? You do whatever it takes. You live on coffee and forget to change the laundry and leave the house without diapers (true story), but you adapt. You do whatever it takes. Its a season of life and it doesn't last forever, and circles under your eyes are a badge honor that I wear with pride. 

4. Loving them is all that matters. 
In the end, the love I give them is all that matters. They will not look back on their childhood and wish that I did more Pinterest crafts, or read more books, or had their closets color coordinated. They'll look back and remember laughing in the kitchen over dinner, snuggling under the covers on cold winter nights, and that they were loved beyond measure. All the other stuff, is just that - stuff. Loving them is the most important job I have, and I'll spend the rest of my life trying to do it well. 

I'm writing this post at 11:30, with a sleeping Luca on my lap. He's getting his molars, and sleep has been hard the last few days. And I'm the only one he wants. This wasn't how tonight was supposed to go - once the kids are asleep, its my time to get work done and finish up orders and catch up on the DVR. But, you do whatever it takes. Whatever it takes to get through the next hour, or the next day... that's just what you do.

Next weekend we're celebrating Luca & James'  birthday with an appropriately-themed circus party. It perfectly sums up this season of our life - every day is a circus. By the time I get home from work, two of three kids are crying, there are dirty diapers on the porch that need to be brought to the trash, the dog is crying to eat, the house phone is ringing and we're trying to remember what time the twins had a bottle. Most nights Craig and I just laugh to ourselves that this is our life. Next weekend is a celebration of an amazing first year for the twins, but also a very big celebration for us as a family. We survived, we laughed, we loved - and it is only just the beginning.

Pictures c/o Tanya Charlesworth

Are you new here? Hi! I’m Jillian. Wife & mom, and small business owner. Bella Carta Boutique is a custom design studio, specializing in invitations, announcements and stationery for all of life’s most special occasions. We are located in Northern New Jersey, but serve clients in New York, Connecticut and Pennsylvania, and can ship worldwide. If you’d like to work with us, or learn more about what we do, click here!

Thank You!

For what will most likely be my last post of 2014, I wanted to say thank you. Thank you to all of my clients, new and old, who have trusted me with their most precious of memories, announcements and greetings this year. For the clients that have challenged me to think outside the box, for the clients who are gracious when a package goes missing or when a printing error means that their invitations are delayed. For the clients who come back, year after year, and recommend Bella Carta to their friends... thank you.

Thank you to all of our friends – both in real life, and our 'internet' friends – who have cheered me on, shared their ideas and opened up doors that I didn’t know existed. Thank you for giving me honest feedback, allowing me to bounce ideas off of you, and for the occasional vent sessions. Thank you to my sweet husband, who has never doubted this dream, who always supports my decisions, as crazy as they may be, and has always been my number one fan. None of this would be possible without you.

And a special thank you to all of you that ordered in November, and helped me make a donation to St. Jude Children's Hospital in my brother's memory. Today would have been his 32nd birthday, and while nothing will ever take his place, knowing that there is a family out there who, in some small way, can benefit from our donation brings me so much joy.

I have big dreams and plans for 2015, and I've vowed to myself that I will take the next two weeks to make a plan of how to execute those dreams, instead of always feeling one step behind. I've learned so much this year, and am so thankful everything - good and bad - that has brought me to this place.

And while I wish I could send you all a card by mail, this one will have to do. This sentiment perfectly sums up this season of my life: rarely calm, but always bright. From my little family to yours, we wish you a Merry Christmas and a happy, healthy, New Year!

Cheers!

(calligraphy by the talented West Sheridan, design by me!)

Creative at Heart

In four short weeks, I’ll be packing my bags and kissing my boys goodbye, as I head down to Virginia for the Creative at Heart conference, the brainchild of Kat Schmoyer & Taylor Schumann, for two jam-packed days of learning, sharing and laughing.  When I began to reevaluate my business, I made a short list of conferences that I’d like to attend as soon as next year. One of those was Stationery Academy, which admittedly, is still very high on my list. This year, Stationery Academy is in New Orleans and Phoenix, so I’m crossing my fingers they’re a tad bit closer for their conferences in 2016. 

When Kat & Taylor announced the Creative at Heart conference back in October, I was so thrilled. The conference is designed with creative entrepreneurs in mind, to cultivate lasting relationships and community, and to inspire woman to live their dream.  “It’s about combining practical business knowledge, inspiring content & purposeful community” – sounds pretty perfect, to me!

Kat and Taylor are women I admire in this industry, both for their talent and tenacity, and for the grit to see their dreams through. The line up of speakers is AH-mazing, with so many inspiring and creative women, willing to share their journey, knowledge and failures with our group. I’m so excited to soak up the whole experience, learn from these deeply passionate woman, and walk away inspired and energized to follow my dreams in the new year.

One of the things I’m most excited about, is meeting some of my “virtual” friends in person! I’ve met so many other wonderful women through social media, and my business, who are also attending this conference, and I can’t wait to hug them, share stories, and learn in this encouraging environment, together. And while I’m so excited for all of this to unfold in a few weeks, I’d be lying if I didn’t admit I’m also a tad nervous. For one, this is the first time I’ll be leaving the twins overnight, and only the second time I’ll be leaving A. As a working mom, my night-time routines with all 3 of them are sacred, so my momma heart breaks a little that I won’t be the one putting them down at night. The rest of my emotions are a mix of anxiousness and excitement: about spending 3 days with a group of 75 woman I’ve never met in person, travelling 5 hours alone, and feeling a little bit insecure about my business and my dreams. I know what I’m feeling is normal, and that when I’m driving back on January 5^th, I will be so thankful that I made this decision. That I invested in myself and my dreams, and that I took a giant leap of faith.

The State of Things

It's been 6 months since the last time I wrote a blog post. Blogging was always on my to-do list, but never seemed to make it to the top. At some point this last year I decided that it would become a priority again when I had the time, and that I would give myself permission to not feel guilty about it until that time came. 

The last 6 months have quite literally flown by. 6 months ago, my littlest boys were just 3 months old, and I had just returned to my full-time job. 6 months ago, my oldest had just turned 3, and was adjusting to his role as a big brother. 6 months ago, I made a commitment to myself to truly reevaluate my business, and to think really hard about how, and why, I wanted it to grow. I made a silent vow to myself when I opened Bella Carta, that whenever I stopped feeling that pull to design - to be creative - that I would stop.  After the twins were born, I was so excited to get back into designing, to bring to life new ideas I had written down over the last few years… to truly challenge myself. If in the end, if it didn’t pan out the way I thought it would, I didn’t want to look back and say I could have tried harder.

So while the last 6 months have been busy with life, they’ve also been very full. Raising 3 little boys, working full-time, and devoting all of my extra time to the business. My train commute to and from work, nap-time, bed-time, car-rides – anytime I’m home, and not being “mom”, I’m in work mode. I’m totally guilty of trying to also do work while they’re awake, but it never, ever, works out, and just leaves all of us frustrated. The balance is totally elusive, but I work really hard to be present, and to do all my jobs, well.

As you can probably tell (maybe not, if you read this blog in BlogLovin), the blog is now a part of the website. And while that is slightly confusing and maybe not the best business decision, there was too much history in my blog to abandon it, or change the name, all-together. Maybe one day, just not right now.  So while a lot of this blog has been very personal in nature, I’m not exactly sure if it will continue to look like that in the future. I’m sure I’ll continue to share pictures of the kids once in a while, but I’m not sure that every post will be about them. Originally, Earning Our Stripes was intended to be mostly about our home renovation projects, which most likely will continue to live on here. Most of our projects have ceased – both for a lack of time, and for a lack of updates that need to be done. We’ve completely outgrown our home, and are planning to move in the next year or so, so any updates made from now on are with resale in mind (read: maybe not my style!). I do love looking back at my old posts, so for now, they’re not going anywhere!

I will be sharing a lot more about the business in this space – about the brand, my goals, our milestones and our struggles. I hope to share a bit more about some other small business owners that I’ve met this last year, who have helped shape me, or my business, in some way. I hope to be sharing some new products, inspiration boards, parties and gift ideas. I hope that this place becomes a spot for others to reference when looking for vendors, color palettes, inspiration or advice. And if you originally came here to read about my home, or my kids, I hope you’ll continue to read and be inspired. I’ve made some wonderful – no, amazing – friendships from blogging the last few years, and I’m so thankful for this community of inspiring, creative woman who continue to support and encourage each other. I’m excited to be “back”!

pictures courtesy of Tandem Studios